Forgetting to be Fearless

So, it’s the very first time I’ve left my Son to be babysat for more than 3 hours. Separation issues much?!

To make matters worse I have to go into the City today, why is this worse you ask? To give you a quick snap shot of me; the last time I took the train alone into the city was probably my second year of Uni… 2008. I mean, I had to buy a MIKI and it was so foreign to me I felt like an alien.

I’m afraid right now riding on this train, my typing out this blog is the only thing protecting me from awkward, unwanted eye contact from random strangers! To most this sounds ridiculous but I spend most my time now at home taking care of my son. Our little bubble has burst today. I feel as though I’ve forgotten how to be fearless on my own in the world. As though it’s been too long between drinks for me and my good friend “confidence”.

Some people might be reading this and can relate. Others, those that even know me well may not really believe it but the truth is blunt and the facts are straight. It’s a climb I find ahead of me. My identity as me, not as Wife/Mother or Karen Esco but just ME is currently under maintenance. I see this in a positive light, a means to start better and regain the fearlessness.

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are we have power beyond all measure… or something or other

Pillow Talk #7 Friendship

Yes yes, it’s the ship that doesn’t sink (Oh.. Joey & The Manny! Friends, you still make me laugh)

Lately, I’ve been thinking about past and present friendships and it reminds me of something I read. It was something about friendships being for a Reason, a Season and a Lifetime. I’m not too sure but that sounds about right. I’ve been blessed to have met and become friends with an array of interesting characters in my life so far and in some small… or big way they’ve imparted a little bit of knowledge or perhaps taught me a lesson in my life. The people that surround a person can show you a lot about who they are true? I wonder what my friendships say about me. What about you?

Have you had a friendship for a Reason, Season or Lifetime? If so, is it quite clear to you now why people have been brought into and taken out of your life. I think it’s amazing how things work out the way they do.

 

Here’s some clarity. No moment is worth regretting for fate has a bigger plan for you and I.

EXPECTING

EXPECTING.

Pillow Talk #6 To Vlog or not to Vlog

I’ve been thinking lately…

I think I want to Vlog. It’s a commitment BUT! not an impossibility. Why? This answer eludes me right this minute. I do know however, I feel it’s something I should try out. What say you?

Pillow Talk #5 Bedtime Battle

Sleep has abandoned me today.

My struggle is not unexpected however. Due to an unwelcome sleepless night yesterday I decided to join Isaac, my baby boy, in all three of his daytime naps. It’s no wonder I feel as though I’m fighting within my mind but the wandering thoughts zipping through my mind will not relinquish its stronghold.

This reminds me of a time in High School. I had this amazing and wonderful teacher who took us for meditation classes on our Wednesday afternoon periods off. I’d never meditated before and could never get into a meditation type zone except for this one time.

I remember a session of meditation I had, I followed this teachers voice and surprisingly my mind was opened and I could visualize so vividly her words. It was a feeling as if a portal between my conscious and sub conscious had been opened. I still remember the quite water streaming quietly over the stones. The red roses growing close by and my beautiful white chiffon dress soaking up the fresh crisp water as I walked bare foot. It lead to nowhere, nowhere at all, just a constant loop of pristine beauty; just being there was exquisite. I suppose tonight, I’ll be making my way there. Hopefully sleep will come to greet me.

May the sweetest dreams visit you in your deep slumber

Credit: Meditation Waterfall

Pillow Talk #4 If Only I’d Known

“If only I’d known”

The words you say after finding out something that makes you want to rewind time. Whatever the reason; it can be overwhelmingly disappointing. That voice in your head says “I wish I had more time, I wish I hadn’t said all those awful things to you or I wish I had treated you better!”

Without a doubt that all sounds somewhat cliche but when you find yourself in a predicament such as this, cliche is off the table; screw cliche. All you do is absorb every little thing around you and remember each waking moment. For it’s within these rare moments that you realize the meaning of life, the reason for existence and why people say carpe diem. You see, today I walked down a cold footpath sprinkled with the fallen leaves Autumn left behind to find the warmth of a mothers love; meeting half way. If only I’d know what I know now perhaps I’d have become a better me sooner.

Carpe Diem

OOTD – Nana

It’s Chilly today.

SCARF Jay Jays
AZTEC OPEN SWEATER Target
JEANS Target
SHOES Bettes
NAILS Revlon Craving Coral

I’ve been waiting to wear this open sweater out. Part of me wasn’t game enough because I thought the pattern was quite bold. Now, actually seeing it all together with an outfit I see it’s not too bad. Underneath I’m wearing a black singlet, the sweater keeps me very warm. It is slightly difficult to match printed scarves with it but this Neutral single colour one did the trick.

My shoes hurt me, I bought them years back but didn’t quite break into them, I will now. They have the cutest tassels on them.

These Jeans were a steal for $20. Perfect high rise for the post baby belly (Mothers ya’ll know what I’m talkin’ bout’). They’re meant to be three quarters but on me… Full length! Oh to be Short.

Pillow Talk #3 Clucky

I had a wonderful night tonight. Caught up with old friends and realised how far we’d come since we last saw each other. Both of us are now Parents. I met their little 3 Month old named Jacob. Adorable! In fact the feeling of him in my arms brought back memories of when Isaac, my almost 6 moth old, was first born. Consider me clucky. I can’t lie. Lets take it one day at a time but don’t be surprised if this little family of ours begins to grow.

It was great speaking to another mother, fantastic swapping of ideas as to where was great to shop for bargains. This week, Isaac and I might be in for a trip into the city! Cant wait.

ORIGINAL SONG: See The World (Snippet)

Oh Melbourne how I love thee! Don’t get me wrong, you are beautiful and grow more and more beautiful every day but today; you’ve given the cold shoulder.

Melbourne, Oh so Cold. © Gil Anthony Photography

I can feel the cold right down to my bones and it makes me feel like I want to be on the other side of the world where the sun is shining. I thought I’d share my original track “See The World” produced by @havo_ and written by myself @KARENesco. It takes me away to a different place.

Havo & I Working on my EP, Life Love & The Music (Available on iTunes) https://itunes.apple.com/au/album/life-love-the-music/id386759935

Enjoy my original track snippet called “See The World” Click through  http://snd.sc/13kQW93 (Sound Cloud)

This track has yet to be released. It will hopefully be out on my new EP out soon.

I’d love your thoughts!

Support your independent artists.

Hauler! #1

Im very excited to be writing my first “Hauler!” blog. Money doesn’t grow on trees, I know this, so these Hauls will most likely be showcasing bargains and sales I’ve come across. I’ve always been a “always buy for less” type of shopper. So take from this blog what you will.

1st Stop! Lunch. Shopping takes a lot out of you, so eat well, hydrate and get walking. This was a spontaneous trip with my good friend and God mother of Baby Isaac. We decided to try out the newly built area of Highpoint and ate at Jasper Coffee.

Jasper Coffee

Chicken, Avocado & Cheese Baguette

The movement of fair trade coffee has been in the works for a very long time and I was so pleased that Jaspers Coffee was all about Organic beans & Fair trade. The food was equally as great, however if I had to compare, my baguette which I had at Corinthians Coffee was much better. Yay for the Locals! I digress. I would have lunch here again, the coffee was fantastic. I give them an A.

Now for my mini Haul. I’ve been waiting so long to finally replace my very low supply oft this perfume, I had purchased it at Zara from what seems to be a lifetime ago. It’s finally replaced. Behold. My favourite go to perfume.

ZARA White Jasmine
kayisforkaren.wordpress.com

I also splurged on some random items at Daiso, the 2.80 store but my purchases were too random so I’ve decided not to add it to the Haul. Nothing at all interesting. If you haven’t been, you’ve got to go. Experience the craziness and randomness!

I then spotted clearance items at Lovisa, so I had to take a peak. I came out with a few goodies. Spent $17 on 3 items; not too shabby!

Lovisa Earrings $5
Lovisa Necklace $9
Lovisa Ear Cuffs $3

You’re probably thinking ear cuffs? Well, so am I! I mean, they were only $3. I’ve seen them on other people so I thought, no harm no foul at $3 let’s give it a whirl. I’ve tried them on and I have to say, you need to get it in the right spot, otherwise it looks rather odd. Can’t wait to go out and sport my new finds. I’ll definitely take some flicks to show you what they look like on.

Lastly, my necessities. Nappies, Formula & Baby food. All from Chemist warehouse. That is a lifesaver of a shop. So many sales! Not to mention that while I’m there to purchase my sons goodies, I take a detour through the cosmetics section and look at all the discounted make up. Did not purchase any goodies for me this time but next time I think I will. I’ve been good. Might add a new lipliner to my collection.

The life saving pram!

BOOM! that concludes my 1st Hauler! blog. I wish I had more to show you. I have baby clothes if you’re interested? Let me know. Enjoy your day.

No amount of money in the world can buy you Love & Time, I wish you an abundance of it.